


Those Three Words

by So_Uncreative



Category: Station 19 (TV)
Genre: Alicia - Mentioned, Carina Deluca - mentioned, Cheif Michael Dixon - mentioned, Coming Out, Dean Miller - mentioned, Jack Gibson - mentioned, M/M, Maya Bishop - mentioned, Michael - Mentioned - Freeform, Victoria Hughes - mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:27:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25223887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/So_Uncreative/pseuds/So_Uncreative
Summary: “What are you thinking about? Travis asked softly breaking the comfortable silence between him and Emmett.“Do you remember a few months back, that day in the firehouse shower?” Emmett asked after another moment’s pause and Travis hummed in response “The day my dad announced my engagement and I ran to the showers to explain myself and the words I love you just kind of slipped out?”“Yeah, I remember” Travis admitted.
Relationships: Alicia/Emmett Dixon, Emmett Dixon/Travis Montgomery
Comments: 6
Kudos: 32





	Those Three Words

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: The below fic contains undertones of homophobia and child abuse so if that is in anyway something that is triggering, please do not read this fic. There are far better ones out there but if you wanna read a poorly written fic there's plenty on my Tumblr that you can check out.
> 
> So I wrote this a few months back before the finale - which I have A LOT of thoughts on - and this is actually a re-upload because I wanted to fix spacing and some spelling errors that were sticking out to be upon rereading this fic but like it's pretty much the same as the first version, so enjoy.

“What are you thinking about? Travis asked softly breaking the comfortable silence between him and Emmett. They had ended up cuddling under Travis’ duvet, not worn out enough after sex to sleep yet, and had fallen into a comfortable silence. Travis was grateful for the chance to get his energy back before they began to bicker about what to have for dinner but Emmett who was wrapped up in his arms with his head resting on Travis’ bare chest seemed deep in thought.

“Do you remember a few months back, that day in the firehouse shower?” Emmett asked after another moment’s pause and Travis hummed in response. If he was being completely honest, he didn’t know what day in particular that Emmett was talking about, there had been countless encounters between them in the showers of the firehouse and he definitely wasn’t opposed to reminiscing about those moments. 

In the first few months of Emmett being out, he and Travis fought against their attraction, their entire situation had been messy and intense and after Emmett’s father publicly berated Travis for “turning Emmett gay” as Alicia cried in the corner of the country club, it only seemed to make sense to act as just friends. They were able to be friends for an entire month, until Maya learned that Emmett had never been to a gay bar. It wasn’t that the fact was necessarily shocking but she was looking for a reason to go out on the town and had somehow convinced Emmett and Travis to join her and Carina at some new gay club, Maya and Carina had immediately disappeared when they entered the club -to this day both women still refuse to tell the truth about where they went- leaving Travis and Emmett to find a seat at the bar to drink and see if there was anyone worth flirting with. Emmett had decided long before entering the club that he was going to go home with the hottest person in the club and he knew hours before entering the club that the hottest person in the club was going to be Travis. When they woke up together the next morning, there was no awkwardness and tension like there had been the previous times they’d slept together, there was no overwhelming feelings of guilt for what they were doing behind Alicia’s back and there was no anger directed at the other for how they were dealing with the situation. As Travis made breakfast for Emmett, he felt this burst of excitement at the prospect of something new but opted to keep those feelings to himself, Emmett was still working through a lot the last thing he needed was to enter an overly intense long term relationship so they stayed casual for a while, dates here and there and booty calls after particularly rough calls became the norm until Jack walked in on them. Jack had gotten so flustered after walking in on the pair in the shower together that he’d stumbled over his apology and almost fallen over his feet as he rushed to get out of the room.

Travis and Emmett had just laughed it off but when they entered the beanery together the reactions, they received from everyone informed them that Jack had told everyone what he’d seen. He mouthed an apology as Vic dragged Travis away to get the full details about what exactly was going on between him and Emmett but by the end of the day rather than kill Jack for telling everyone Travis had to thank him, Vic’s interrogation is what spurred Travis into sitting down with Emmett and actually talking about what exactly was going on between them and when they celebrated the fact they were officially boyfriends with Thai take out before passing out on Emmett’s bed most of their fears about their relationship had faded. They were both in it for the long haul. Emmett chuckled softly pulling Travis back to reality, he knew that Travis had embarked on a trip down memory lane but that he still had no clue about which specific day Emmett was talking about, Emmett swallowed the lump in his throat before continuing “The day my dad announced my engagement and I ran to the showers to explain myself and the words I love you just kind of slipped out?”

“Yeah, I remember” Travis admitted wondering why Emmett was bringing up that particular day during their post-sex bliss. They hadn’t ever spoken about the way those three words had rolled off Emmett’s tongue so effortlessly during the numerous talks they’d had about the entire situation after the fallout from the engagement party but had always avoided reminding each other about the confession of love, a small detail in comparison to everything that was happening at that time and everything that followed. The day in question was one of those rare times that pure rage had run through every fibre of Travis’ being, first he was angry at the world for Pruitt’s death, then at Chief Dixon for refusing the funeral that Pruitt deserved and then at Emmett for not giving him any warning. As he stormed off to shower, he also felt angry at himself for getting involved, for thinking for even a second that he and Emmett could last, he was angry that he even wanted them to last. The night they met wasn’t Travis’ proudest moment, he had been rocked by the call with Pilar and the memories of Michael and his parents that had plagued his mind for the rest of the shift and had opted to use sex as a pick me up. Sex to him was usually something meaningful, it had to be with someone he had a connection with, someone who he trusted, but this night was different, this night he needed an escape from everything going on his mind, he needed to get lost in a moment shared with someone. He’d matched with Emmett on Tinder and the younger man had messaged with some cheesy line that Travis had rolled his eyes at, on a normal day Travis wouldn’t have bothered with someone who used generic pickup lines but that day wasn’t normal so Travis sent back and even cheesier response. The next thing he knew he was clearing up his apartment as Emmett was on his way over, Travis had invited him as soon as it was declared on the news that it was safe to travel, in that moment he had knew clue how complicated he had just made his own life. The day that Emmett had professed his love for Travis like it was nothing, Travis also got angry with Emmett, those three words weren’t something anyone should be so casual with ever. Travis had known love in his life, Michael had been his truest love, one of the only people to see Travis for exactly who he was and love him unconditionally, Travis had learned that love wasn’t something that could be thrown around so freely. He let out a breath, ridding the thoughts of Michael from his mind, he would always be in Travis’ heart but sometimes thoughts of his late husband invaded his mind when he least expected it “What about it?”

“I don’t think I meant it” Emmett admitted quietly, and Travis squinted in confusion at the confession. Emmett had spent the last few months doing a lot of self-reflection, spurred on by his relationship with Travis, his friendship with Maya that seemingly lacked all boundaries and his weekly therapy session and lately he’d been reflecting on his history with love. Despite the fact they no longer spoke due to how he’d reacted to Emmett coming out and the fact that Emmett had traded in his firefighting gear for a position at a small art gallery, Emmett was sure that his father had loved him in some capacity. His father had in no way been a good man, Emmett had known that from a young age, but he was never violent towards Emmett who had always used that as a justification for his father’s cutting words. In the mind of Emmett, the bright-eyed child who just wanted to please everyone but particularly his father being called names and constantly berated was just a daily occurrence, at least there was never violence, Emmett would always remember the look on his therapist’s face as he shrugged off the torment that his father had put him through throughout his life. 

Emmett had to hold on to that fact though, believing that a lack of violence proved his father loved him was something he needed to believe because otherwise the majority of his childhood was spent with a complete lack of love. He had only uttered those three words to his father on one occasion, his mother’s funeral. He was 5-year-old when his father sat him down to explain that his mother was dead, Chief Dixon had pussyfooted around the topic of death with his son. He’d blurted the words out bluntly and as they watched her coffin being lowered into the ground; Emmett whispered those three words to his father who hadn’t said them back assuming the young boy had been whispering parting words to his mother. The fact that his father hadn’t said anything back that day in the graveyard and hardened even more after the passing of his wife’s death were the reasons that Emmett never said those words to his father again, he still remembered the shooting pain in his chest that he’d experienced aged 5 when his words had been met with silence, his mother had never hesitated to say those three words. Elizabeth Dixon was a woman who was filled with love, she would beam as she exchanged those three words with her husband every morning before he’d go to work and her son when she tucked him into bed after reading one too many story books. She truly was one of those people who believed that love made the world go around and had been trying to teach her son to believe in the sentiment as strongly as she did, Emmett would always smile when he told Alicia those three words because he believed his mother would be smiling wherever she was too, hearing her son saying those three words.

His love with Alicia had been complex, when he first said those three words to her outside the art gallery, he now worked in he had been trying to convince himself that it was true. If he were to ever be in love with a woman, Alicia would be the ideal one, she was sweet, well-intentioned and they had a lot in common. Before Travis, she was the only person who accepted him for all his faults and odd quirks, she played her part in convincing the world that the Dixon’s were the perfect family without complaining and would lend an ear when Emmett needed to rant about his father, she did all that because she loved him. She always said those three words to him with more feeling than he ever processed when he said them to her and even though she’d forgiven him for what he’d put her through, deep down he was worried he’d never forgive himself. He had been floored when she proposed and in a swirl of confusion had somehow accepted her marriage proposal instead of coming clean like he had intended to do that night, he wished he could’ve been braver and told her then rather than have her find out at the engagement party. That night in the country club she had glowed greeting friends and family and random strangers that her soon-to-be father in law had invited as a way to boost his popularity within the fire department and Emmett couldn’t have felt worse, or so he thought until his colleagues showed up. 

None of them had been too comfortable agreeing to the invitation when Alicia had stopped by the station to deliver their invites in person, she had made a particular point to give Travis his first and even thanked him for inspiring her to propose – Emmett had wanted the ground to swallow him hole and Travis later agreed that he had felt the same way- but all of them including Travis had accepted their invitations and kept his secret. The second she was gone from the station though, he was bundled into Maya’s office by Jack and Dean to find his team demanding answers as to why the engagement party was still going ahead after he’d just come out to them -minus Andy and Robert who were unaware of the fact Emmett was gay and in that moment were actually planning what excuses they could use to not attend the engagement party. He had avoided Travis’ eyes as he explained his plan to tell Alicia and his father the whole truth after the engagement party, he felt that just before the celebrations would be cruel to Alicia, the fact that he was going to explain that their 6 year relationship had been a facade was going to destroy her, he felt that she deserved to at least be saved some embarrassment, plus if he did it after the engagement party Alicia would still get her money’s worth on the party, he’d looked it up and the country club did not do refunds on anything. 

The others didn’t quite understand his reasoning but were persuaded to attend when he told them they could drink as much as they wanted on his father’s tab and promised that he would come clean the next day. If only it had been that easy. He still wasn’t quite sure how Alicia got hold of his phone, he think he may have handed it to her to take a picture of him and his colleagues at his father’s suggestion but he truly had no idea how ended up scrolling through some of his messages with Travis. He’d found her in the hallway reading the messages with silent tears streaming down her face and while he felt awful for what he’d done to her, he couldn’t help but feel relief at the fact she knew. He’d expected her to create a scene but when she pulled him into a hug, he realized his assumption was wrong, she wouldn’t do that because she loved him. He’d broken the silence by telling her that he was gay in a shaky voice and she’d just smiled sadly at him, she had always known something was wrong with their relationship, that he was hiding something and while she was planning on bitching him out of it later for cheating on her she couldn’t help but feel for him. It was the moment she suggested they return to the party and continue the conversation later after he’d explained himself as best he could while she freshened up that he realized he wasn’t lying when he said those three words to Alicia, he just meant them in the capacity of a best friend. They walked back in hand in hand having agreed to keep up the facade for a few more hours and were shocked to find Chief Dixon shouting at Travis, accusing him of being the one who turned Emmett gay, a theory he’d developed after overhearing Emmett come out to Alicia in the hallway after he’d come looking for them. 

Chief Dixon looked like a mad man and Travis was shell-shocked as the others stepped in to his defense, Alicia had been pulled away by her parents who were demanding to know if it was true and Emmett had stood there wondering if he and Travis could ever come back from this or if he’d lost his best friend and potential romantic partner within a matter of minutes. Emmett had realized that throughout his relationship he’d grown careless with those three words, saying them when he didn’t really mean them or saying them in the wrong context as he navigated his relationship with Travis and began forging a friendship with Alicia who as had stayed mad at him for cheating for a few months like she’d promised before showing up with a bottle of wine in hand to finish their conversation. She’d been so unexpectedly accepting and now that Emmett was working in the art gallery she frequented most, they were forming a pretty unbreakable bond. Travis had been a bit wary of the friendship at the beginning and had been very awkward around Alicia when he had decided to surprise Emmett at work to find the pair debating the merits of some new piece that had been secured by the gallery, however after that encounter he realized that the friendship could be a blessing as he no longer had to act like he understood any of the art pieces Emmett showed him excitedly, all artistic debates and excitement were saved for Alicia whenever they’d hung out. Travis thought back about Emmett’s words for a few seconds before speaking “No babe, I don’t think you meant them either”  
“I think I’m getting to a point that I could say those three words though, for real” Emmett confessed, and Travis smiled. It was true that Emmett had been so willing to throw those words three words around in the past but knowing that he was taking his time and waiting until he was sure he was ready to say them, warmed Travis’ heart.

“Really?” Travis asked wondering if Emmett was for being serious or if he was still high from their post sex bliss. He’d confessed to Vic only last week that he was certain he was going to accidentally blurt those three words out to Emmett soon and she’d just laughed, knowing he didn’t want to be the one to say it first. He knew Emmett wasn’t there yet and didn’t want to say it prematurely in case it jinxed their relationship, but he knew he loved Emmett. He loved the way he’d get bashful any time Travis would complement his art, he loved the way that despite the fact he was no longer part of the crew that he still wanted to know the gossip in the station and hang out with the others -he and Maya had bonded over difficult fathers and their fondness for gin at Joe’s bar one night and had become pretty inseparable ever since- and he loved that Emmett accepted him for all his quirks and flaws, how he accepted the good and the bad. Travis was ready to say those three words as long as Emmett was the one who said them first.  
“Really” Emmett confirmed before yawning, exhaustion having finally washed over him. He was pretty sure he was already in love with Travis. The feelings in his stomach when he thought of the man were intense and unlike anything he’d ever felt before, it was real. He knew that what he felt for Travis warranted use of those three words but he knew he had to wait, he’d said it to the man so casually months prior when he didn’t truly understand the meaning of what he was saying so now that he did, he wanted the first time he said those three words and meant it to be special. Travis deserved special.

As it would turn out, Emmett didn’t utter those three words in any special and romantic way like he’d hoped he would, there was no profound declaration or passionate kiss. Those three words slipped out as casually as ever at the end of a phone call a few weeks later. Emmett was laying in his bed and missing Travis who was sleeping in the firehouse for the third night in a row when his phone rang, he’d beamed seeing the caller ID and contact picture that accompanied Travis’ name. Maya had snapped it on his phone at the celebration she and Jack had spontaneously thrown for Andy and Robert once everyone had found out about their marriage, Travis and Emmett had somehow drunkenly ended up cuddling on the couch and Maya had taken a picture knowing how cute the pair would find it the next day, Emmett made it Travis’ contact picture and it made him smile even wider than he thought possible every time his boyfriend called him. Travis had been in a similar boat to Emmett as he lay in the bunks in the station, despite the fact he was surrounded by his friends he felt lonely. They talked about simple things such as how their days had been, their plans for their upcoming weekend away and whether or not they could squeeze a lunch date in at the gallery before Travis’ shift started tomorrow, it was sweet and they talked until Emmett’s yawning became too difficult to ignore, Travis had chuckled ordering his boyfriend to go to sleep feeling the same amount of exhaustion as Emmett and that’s when those three words escaped Emmett’s lips in a drowsy whisper.

“I love you”

“I love you too”


End file.
